Joshua's Current UpDate Page.

We want to thank all of the staff, (especially the Stem Cell and Home Care nursing staff ) at the James Whitcomb Riley Hospital for Children that have helped in Joshua Nathan Eaton's struggle for life.

Joshua's Celebrity Encounters???

Saturday, December 31, 1997:

I guess we have put this off as long as possible, so here we go. Tonight closes out what has been the worst and maybe one of the best years of our lives. Looking back our family accomplished many things that seemed impossible at the time. We built so many incredible memories that can never be replaced nor repeated. We also had many low points along this journey with the biggest being the loss of our Josh.

The one issue that we would like to discuss is dying with dignity at home. What we realize now, that we did not realize then is that it is very individualized. There are no right nor are there any wrong decisions. They are all decisions that one must live with the rest of their lives. The choices are many and with many consequences. We now see that we made some very poor decisions for Josh.

The main one that we want to point out for everyone was the choice not to give Josh red blood cells to keep his hemoglobin closer to a normal state. Keeping his hemoglobin up could have changed many things, but again we can only wonder. This would have given Josh maybe a few more days or maybe even a few more weeks. I guess we will never know. What we do know is that we took that precious few days or weeks away from Josh. The other thing we now know is that we caused Josh's comatose state with a drug overdose. That is something we will have to live with for the rest of our lives. While we were trying to take away the pain we kept in close contact with the nurses and doctors. We were told to increase the medication levels as needed and that at some point we would increase the medication and he would die. The doctor said we should not feel guilty when this happened. That is easier said than done. We did not comprehend what it actually meant. In the end the drug overdose took Josh away from us, but we ultimately realize this was a direct effect from the leukemia.

Another decision which we feel was poor was telling Josh he was going to die without giving him any hope. It almost seems as if Josh was willing himself to live until we forced him to face the facts. While it would have been wrong not to let him know the severity of his condition, we wish now we had been more hopeful for some kind of miracle. We have to live with the knowledge that Josh knew we gave up all hope. Some would say praying for a miracle would be creating false hope, but so what? If we had believed in miracles, and the outcome was still the same, it could not be any harder to bear than it is now.

There is one decision that Kim and I differ on. That of doing a second transplant. I do not regret that we chose not to do the second transplant because I believe it would have shortened Josh's life even more, and Josh would have probably died in the hospital. Many of the things we enjoyed near the end of his life could never have happened if he was in the hospital. Kim, however, struggles with this decision. The way she looks at it is what did we have to lose? When dealing with life and death there are no second chances. It is very hard on her to think there was a slight possibility, however slim, to save Josh. Maybe there has been no other child with the same disease cured by a second transplant, but maybe Josh would have been the first. She also feels she let Josh down because he wanted to try everything possible. To her, dying in the hospital would not have been worse than his death at home. He at least would have felt a little safer knowing doctors and nurses were there doing everything possible.

As for our family life moves on and we are learning a new way of life. Chaz is having a difficult time finding his own identity. He has been known as Josh's little brother or Josh's helper or Josh's something for so long it is difficult for him. Jason seems to have adjusted really well. Only a couple of times has he shown any effects from the loss of Josh.

As for Kim and I it has been far more difficult. We can put on a great face, but at times we realize it still shows. It is very difficult to lose a child, but even more difficult is knowing that we gave up towards the end. If there is any advice that we could give to anyone fighting the fight, is never give up. It is a terrible thing to live with. We enjoyed lighting Josh's Christmas tree nightly. It took some thinking, but we got it done and it was beautiful to see his tree lit at night.

We have updated Josh's Celebrity Encounter's Page and now we have updated this page for the last time. This homepage has given us an escape as well as kept many people informed on Josh's condition. We think it was well worth the effort. We again can not thank all of you enough for the tremendous support that you have given us. We thank all of you.

We will not post another update here, but may in the near future link our new project to this page. Kim and I are in the process of forming a non-for profit organization that will directly effect our fight against childhood cancers. Any request to link a page to this page will gladly be granted. Anyone that would like to ask any question or discuss any aspect of childhood cancer, even though we only have a degree from the University of Hard Knocks, please send us an email.

Happy New Year to all of you and may God bless you.

Sunday, November 2, 1997:

We know that Josh was extremely pleased with the outpouring from this community and world wide he received in life as well as in death. With the help from this community Josh was able to fulfill most of his wishes and dreams. For this our family is greatly indebted to you, we thank you from the bottom of our hearts. The smiles and memories created with your help over Josh's short life will help to carry us through our lifetime.

Though Joshua Nathan Eaton was only on this earth for less than 9 years his impact will be felt for years to come by many. Josh taught and showed how one person can unite a community of strangers together to join in the happiness and joy of life. Not unlike other children of his age, Josh dreamt of becoming a super hero fighting evil for the good of mankind. In his life he fulfilled that dream along the way and demonstrated that one does not have to be powerful, wealthy or invincible to become that super hero. Josh will always be a super hero in our hearts and minds.

One seldom has the opportunity to brush up to greatness; we were fortunate enough to have lived with greatness. My family mourns in the loss of our son, our brother, but the community mourns the loss of a pillar. As we say good-bye to Joshua, it is only for a short time for we know one day soon we will be together again. Again, our family thanks this community for the happiness they brought to Joshua Nathan Eaton.

Over 1,000 people joined together to pay their last respects over a two day period. His school held a "Rainbow Celebration" celebrating Josh's life. You see, a rainbow day was a saying coined by Josh's first grade teacher after Josh's relapse in March of this year. It is a day when you cry and smile in the same day. Not only did the children at school have a lot of these days, so did our family. It was not mandatory for the children to attend, but from the looks of the celebration I do not think many stayed away. Students that were in Josh's kindergarten and first grade class danced to a couple of songs. It was one of the most perfect celebrations that we have ever attended. Josh's friend Halie at the end of the last song came over and gave Kim a gift from the celibration and sat in her lap while the both of them cried tears for Josh. Our whole family was deeply touched by the "Rainbow Celebration."

We will back track here and attempt to fill in some of the details from the past few weeks. Why would we want to give these details? It is to share with those that may be facing or going to face similar circumstances. This is how we have approached Josh's page and this is how we will finish Josh's page. Though it will be difficult maybe this might benefit someone along his or her road.

It has been more difficult than we ever imagined and we miss Josh tremendously. We must believe that Josh is free, if from nothing other than the daily medical demands of cancer. One thing we would like to state here is that Josh NEVER accepted the fact that he was going to die. It was the one thing he did not want to think about, although we realized it was in his thoughts more and more the nearer to death he became. He was more interested in living every day and looking forward to tomorrow. This is the one aspect that separates Josh from many others that he left behind, his joy and mental approach to life. Sadly his tomorrows are forever gone. Maybe more saddening is that our tomorrows with him are gone.

We knew the Friday before Josh passed away that the end was close. During his platelet infusion he wrote a note to Kim and I asking us, "What if I die?" It was at that moment we knew he knew the end was near. Unlike Josh he asked his nurse to stay with him and watch a new movie he bought on Thursday. He also bought his Halloween costume, a Vampire is what he wanted to dress up as and he bought many decorations for the outside of the house. You see Halloween was Josh's favorite holiday. He always had more fun trick or treating than on Christmas mornings opening presents.

On Saturday for the first time he questioned aloud why he was having a bad day. He asked dad, "today isn't supposed to be a bad day, why is it a bad day?" As dad tried to explain why he was having a bad day Josh turned his head away and said he did not want to talk about it. Josh was awake about 2 hours on Saturday and he was not acting or looking well. The tremendous pain was over taking him. We struggled for the next 24 hours or so to get the pain in check.

On Sunday Josh was awake for maybe an hour and during this short time he again was uncomfortable and looking poorly. He got out of bed and into his wheelchair for twenty minutes but it was two painful to hold his head up. After settling back in bed he visited with his friend, Lisa, until he could no longer keep his eyes open. He fell asleep at about 3:30 p.m. Little did we realize that this would be our last opportunity to make meaningful conversation with our son. When Josh went back to sleep he was to never wake up for any extended time again. He mumbled a few words late that night but it was difficult to understand. We finally got him resting comfortably late Sunday evening. How do we know this? It is because he was not moaning aloud anymore, nor was he thrashing about in his bed as he had done for the previous 24 hours or so. He quit grabbing for his head at this time also. His head hurt so badly because of the lack of oxygen from his dangerously low hemoglobin count of 4.1. At this time Josh was getting around 4 liters of oxygen an hour.

The pain continued to increase and the medication was again not high enough by Monday morning. Josh awoke for only a few brief moments on Monday, long enough to ask Kim for a sip of water, a couple of grabs to his head and an attempt to open his left eye. We immediately began increasing the narcotics again along with the anti-anxiety medication. We considered him semi-conscious for most of the day as he would give occasional brief signs that he was with us. At sometime Monday night Josh slipped into a comatose state for the remainder of his life. Monday's blood counts showed that everything had stabilized and all that was left was to keep Josh as comfortable as possible. Josh's temperature got as high as 104.6 and never dropped below 100 again. Kim and I kept track of his temperature and did our best to cool him down with cool body wraps. This worked very well and we hoped it made him more comfortable.

Tuesday and Wednesday nothing more than days to sit and watch what we consider to be one of the worst ways to die. The days were slow and miserable for Kim and I. The only consolation to it was that for the first time Josh was in no pain though we felt at times he could here us talk to him. We tried very hard not to break down in front of him, but also failed at this task in the final few minutes of his life. On Wednesday morning Chuck drove to school to tell a few of the staff members the end was near and that if they would like to say good-bye now is the time. Many of Josh's best adult friends came to his side.

By Wednesday evening Josh's breathing was becoming labored and his lungs were filling up with fluids. Josh was very rattled with each breath he took. We asked some friends to come over at about 8:00 p.m. so that we could get him elevated to about a 30 degree angle to try and help his breathing. By 10:00 p.m. Chuck had called the nurse practitioner for the third time and asked her to come to our house. She arrived around 11:15 p.m. and within an hour Josh was gone. As Josh tried to open his eyes and his breathing slowed we gathered the family on the bed and said our good-byes. Josh took a short breath and opened his left eye. About 30 seconds later he took another breath and he was gone. The end of a brave and valiant battle was over. Our hero was taken from us. Josh was free from this world and all its suffering. As we would like to think on the first breath the Lord came in and left with Josh on the second breath. He was finally at true peace.

For the first time in over a year the mother was able to hold her son without fear of pain. It is a special bond that I do not understand nor pretend to understand that of the mother and child. No matter how hard the father tries it is never the same. Kim was able to hold Josh as long as she liked. She cradled and rocked him, like back in the old days. The joy and comfort of holding, caressing and loving her son if only for a brief fleeting moment was hers and only hers. We stayed with Josh for almost an hour before calling in the corner. We never left Josh during his two-year fight and we never left him until they drove away.

He was very weak the last few weeks of his life but the nights of the baseball playoffs he always went to sleep watching the game, after making his dad promise to watch the end. At times he would wake in the middle of the night. His first question was "Who won?", then he would ask for a drink. On Wednesday night, the night he died, the Indians won the ALCS. Although he had been in a coma for two days, we believe he could hear us. We told him his team won the championship and would be playing in the World Series. We also told him "Marquis Grissom played another great game!" Josh would have been very happy to know he was the MVP of that series. For the last two years Josh's favorite player has won the MVP of the league championship series.

As for our family life continues. The boys returned to school the following Monday and were at swim practices Tuesday night. They miss their brother tremendously, though they really never let on to it. Kim returned to work the Friday after the funeral. She thought it best to try and occupy her mind as soon as possible. Though your mind never ventures too far away it does help. Kim continues to struggle daily and will never truly get over the loss of Josh. The best she can hope for is that the edge will one-day dissipate. As for Chuck he returned to work this past week. His employer offered him a daytime job that he accepted. We all put up our defenses, but deep down we know that not only did Josh lose his fight against cancer, we all lost in this battle.

We will post a short update in a month or so and will have completed Josh's Celebrity Encounters page by then. We thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. Josh thanks you all for celebrating his life.

We close with a poem that Kim and I chose for his memorial. The front has a picture of Josh with the following caption below his name.

Gift from heaven: February 18, 1989

Returned to Heaven: October 15, 1997

Inside is the following:

JOSHUA NATHAN EATON God saw that you were very tired, And a cure was not to be. So he put his arms around you, And whispered,: Come to Me." With tearful eyes we watched you suffer, And we saw you fade away. Although we love you deeply, Josh, We could not make you stay, A loving heart stopped beating, And playing hands are at rest. God broke our hearts to prove to us, He only takes the very best. We could not understand it, No matter how we tried. If love alone could have saved you, You never would have died. You are not forgotten, Josh, Nor will you ever be, As long as life and memory last, We will remember thee. We miss you now, our hearts are sore, As time goes by we'll miss you more. Your Loving smile, your gentle face, No one can fill your vacant place.

Wednesday, October 15, 1997:

Joshua Nathan Eaton slipped out of our arms and into the loving arms of God today, Wednesday, October 15, 1997 at 11:57pm. Josh was at total peace and surrounded by mom, dad, Jason, Chaz, Uncle Richard and his nurse.

All the arrangements have been made and Josh will be laid to rest wearing his Cleveland Indians baseball uniform and his Atlanta Braves jersey nearby. With his baseball glove on his left hand, baseball in his right hand and his bat on his right he is ready to play ball again in Heaven.

I am not sure how to begin or end this session, so I think I will just type. I figure I will not have the heart to write much when the end comes, so I sit here tonight March 29, 1997, writing this for the memory of our son, Joshua Nathan Eaton. This in itself seems morbid to me, but I wanted to make sure that everyone that has come to know our son can share in these memories.

Josh has always been a very happy and caring child. This quality is what has attracted so many people in our community and world wide to him. He has a heart of gold. His smile always brightened any room that he entered and his love for life was second to none. Maybe he always knew his time with us was going to brief, but his memory will last a life time. We say good-bye to him for only a short while for we know that one day we will be together in the Lords loving arms.

Josh had a passion for sports. His favorite sport was baseball and he had natural abilities that you do not see every day. Baseball came very natural for him. We played baseball together as a family in the living room and outside up to the end. The swing of the bat, the throw to first and the slide into second will always be remembered. His favorite position was catcher. He always enjoys wearing the catching equipment much like his father and uncle Richard. Before Josh became ill, we always spent Sunday afternoons at the Little League diamonds working on baseball fundamentals with all the boys. Josh was the first out of the car and the last to enter the car at the end of the day. Coming from a semi-professional baseball family we had many hopes and dreams for Josh. We know he could have gone far. A natural is what was always said about Josh.

Josh also enjoyed soccer and basketball. He played organized soccer twice before he became ill and enjoyed it very much. He liked to play forward and goalie. He never got the opportunity to play organized basketball, but liked to dribble the ball in our kitchen. We had a portable basketball hoop in the drive and played many make believe games there and at the YMCA. He swam and took gymnastic classes at the YMCA for several years as a young boy.

Josh liked to fish when the fish were biting, but he did not find waiting around for a bite too enjoyable. In other words Josh was looking for quantity not quality. Little blue gills were just fine with him. He fished several times with his Grandpa Leahy and once here in the Elkhart River he caught a very nice size small mouth bass.

His passion of recent was the computer and nintendo. Josh spent hours upon hours sitting in front of the screen playing games. He became quite a good chess player and learned many card games. Chaz, Jason and Josh all enjoyed helping each other through many different adventure type games. He enjoyed having email read to him, although he was not very interested in responding to most. If there was a board game we played it. We think all children enjoy playing board games. Monopoly was his favorite game. Rarely was he beaten by anyone that challenged him.

Josh found Walt Disney World a place to escape for a short time and become a normal child again. Disney will always hold a special place in our hearts. It was Josh's play land. I doubt if we ever travel there again. The memories built there can never be matched nor replaced. I am not sure that we have that much heart left to return.

The most important thing to Josh was school. He loved to be with all the other children. It never mattered to him how or when just get him to school. One of his best friends was a girl named Halie. Something about them clicked. Josh needed help doing things and she had a need to help. A perfect fit at the perfect time for Josh. Josh said he would miss her the most. The most favorite part of school was, well what else computer class. A strong second was counting pop tabs for the Ronald McDonald House. He always told us in the evening how many tabs he counted that day.

Josh was a joker. He enjoyed playing tricks on us and enjoyed more laughing at us. He was a boy with a million faces and could always no matter how mad or upset we were make us laugh. His smile and joy of life will be missed in our home as well as at school.

We know that most of you have only known the sick Josh. We hope that this little note has shown you that he was a normal child just like any other child in the world. We all have learned something from him. Some maybe more than others, but we all became a little closer. We have shared his story openly in hopes that maybe he would be the one to win his battle with this rare form of leukemia. We had hoped that this page could be an inspiration in the future for someone battling this form of leukemia. We are still hopeful that maybe someone out there that came across this page was inspired enough to become a blood donor or a bone marrow donor. Maybe that person will save a child's life and keep a family as one. We must believe that his battle was for something good.

We will not make any changes to his HomePage, but will continue to link other pages to his when requested. We will complete his Celebrity Encounters page and then leave the rest of it unchanged. We will update this page one or two more times after the funeral, but that will be the end of his story here in cyberspace. His story will live forever in the hearts of those who knew him. We will stay in contact with many of you.

In closing not only have we lost our son, but we have lost a large portion of ourselves. It is hard to explain in words, but those of you that have experienced this know what we mean. The pain is great and we pray that time will heal our aching hearts. Nature did not intend for parents to bury their children, but rather intended for children to bury their parents. Though we feel that at the many different times we made the right decisions, we have many regrets. Maybe time will ease this pain also.

As for Jason, Chaz, Kim and I, we will slowly continue with life. There will always be tears of sadness and joy for the memories we made with Joshua. He will indeed be missed, but never forgotten. We have become more religious people over the past year, because we have to believe that one day soon we will be with Josh in Heaven. We believe that Josh is in a better place now. He is with God's children. No more pain. No more tears. No more fears. Good night our friends we thank you all for your caring and loving support that you have shown towards our family over the past two years. May God bless you and your family.

Don't let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God. And trust in me. There are many rooms in my Father's house. I would not tell you this if it were not so. I am going there to prepare a place for you. After I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back. Then I will take you to be with me so that you may be where I am (John 14:1-3).

There will be no more death, sadness, crying, or pain. All the old ways are gone (Revelation 21:4).

So you will go out with joy. You will be led out in peace. The mountains and the hills will burst out in song before you. All the trees of the fields will clap their hands (Isaiah 55:12).

Saturday, October 11, 1997:

Josh has made an excellent run at life this past summer and early fall, but the time has come for all to bid him farewell. Many family members are driving in today to spend some time with him. We contacted those friends and teachers that were most influential on Josh last week to have them come by and spend some time. It was good quality time for some.

This has been the toughest week we have witnessed him endure. He is spiking nightly fevers over 103 F and his pain has increased dramatically. He is sleeping most of the time, which helps to reduce the pain. His blood counts from Friday showed his hemoglobin dropping to 4.3 from Wednesdays hemoglobin count of 5.4. The leukemia cells are over 50% in his bloodstream and are showing no signs of slowing down production. They are putting the squeeze on life.

We have no idea when the end will come, but willl try to make Josh as comfortable as possible. We pray that God be merciful and swift. Jason and Chaz have the toughest roads ahead of them. We hope that we can help them to deal with what is coming.

Saturday, October 5, 1997:

Below is a table of Josh's blood counts over the past week and you can see that his counts are bottoming out. The most concerning blood count is his hemoglobin, it is getting close to the critical stage. The other obvious critical blood counts are the amount of leukemic blasts and A-typical lymphs.

Josh is receiving platelet infusions three times a week from an HLA matched donor which is helping to keep his count at a higher level. Without an HLA matched donor Josh would need daily infusions of platelets. Josh is a prime example of why more people need to donate blood at their local blood bank.

We are not sure what is in store for Josh over the next week or so, but we are fearful that if his hemoglobin continues to drop at the present rate the results will not be good. Already with his hemoglobin low, his blood pressure and heart rate have increased. We have discussed the consequences of critically low hemoglobin counts and are prepared, as much as anyone could possibly be, to deal with the cards that are going to be dealt in the near future. We anticipate Josh having more difficulty breathing and he could potentially have cardiac arrest as his heart continues to work harder.. We are hopeful that Josh slips into unconsciousness and will not be aware of his body's failure.

Josh had many good visits this week with staff members from his school, Concord East Side, and his extended family. One of his best friends, Hallie, came to visit which made Josh extremely happy. We have learned to endure the bad days and look forward to any and all small cherishable moments no matter how far in between they come.

Tuesday, September 23, 1997:

Not much change since our last update. Josh still has good days and bad days. Unfortunately the bad days seem to outnumber the good days at this point. Josh's biggest obstacle at this point is his mental attitude. We can't say that we much blame him for his mental attitude, but we are trying extremely hard to reinforce positive thought.

Josh is going to school tomorrow to get his school pictures taken with his classmates. Josh enjoys company and misses his classmates but is physically and emotionally unable to attend school. Medically speaking, Josh will start receiving platelets three times a week from a HLA matched donor nearby. Kim and I have chosen not to infuse Josh with any more packed cells. The decision has also been made that if Josh was to contract an infection we will not infuse with antibiotics.

Please continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

Friday, September 12, 1997:

The past two weeks have been like a gigantic roller coaster. Josh had a terrible week after our last update, and was having anxiety attacks and trouble breathing. He spent the week mostly in his bedroom with an oxygen mask. He has been very scared to go to sleep at night because he doesn't know if he will wake up, so he stays up until 3:00 or 4:00 (or later) in the morning and then sleeps during the day. We are now using an anti-anxiety drug called Ativan to help calm him down. It seems to help but he has decided he likes his new sleep schedule because his brothers are home from school by the time he wakes up in the afternoon.

Josh is no longer going to school partly because he doesn't feel well, partly because he has his nights and days mixed up and partly because he is afraid to get too far away from his oxygen. He has expressed interest in visiting his classmates in the near future. His school is also trying to collect one million pop tabs for the Ronald McDonald House. His teacher from last year has built a new house to store all the pop tabs in and Josh would like to see it. We will get him there when he feels up to it. Josh and his brothers have easily donated over 15,000 tabs towards the goal. These were collected by many of our family members and as far away as Washington.

He does not eat very much and is nauseous much of the time. We were able to get him out some last weekend with his grandparents and uncle. He tried putt-putt golf and then went bowling. Since then he is less dependent on his oxygen and is up and about more playing pool and other games. This week has been much better than last week.

Medically, things are not going well and Josh's bone marrow is now in serious jeopardy. Josh is having some trouble holding platelets but is still getting a good boost from each infusion. His last infusion boosted him from 6,000 to 63,000 platelets and today, two days later, they are down to 37,000. We have discussed parent donated platelets with his doctor. He would like for us to wait until we see less of a boost from the normal blood bank platelets. Also, his marrow is very fragile. His AGC/ANC again has dropped to nearly 500 and his lymphs are up considerably. At times his blood work shows a small percentage of leukemia cells in the blood stream. It appears this will escalate very soon now.

Josh was having a bad week and after a couple of days of wearing the oxygen mask he was demanding some paper to draw a mask. It took a long time for him and his mother to draw and cut out that mask, but it was a beauty. Josh ask me to get some string so that he could wear it. I asked him why he wanted to wear this mask, his response was because he thought he looked stupid wearing the oxygen mask. He said he did not want to scare his brothers either.

My response to Josh was that no matter how many oxygen masks, no matter how many central lines, no matter how much weight he gains or no matter what changes the leukemia takes upon him he will always be Joshua Nathan Eaton not only in his heart and mind, but also in all of ours. The leukemia and all of the doctors in the world can never take that away from him. I told him that everyone loves him the same no matter what happens. It was the straw that broke the camel's back and the tears flowed freely.

We think that Josh is back to the point of acceptance. He knows his body is starting to fail him now. It does not have to be spoken for we all know the end is very near. For the first time fear is upon him. We have tried very hard to make an effort to comfort his thoughts of death. Sometimes we wonder if he is not the one comforting our fears of death.

This journal has been a method to disseminate information to our family members nation wide as well as to our many friends worldwide. It has increasingly become harder and harder to find the time and energy to sit down to make entries into this journal full well knowing that the end is all to close. What began as a means to keep a handful of family members and friends up to date on Josh's struggle now includes people from all corners of the world. It is easy to see just how many people check in on this update by looking at the counter included in this page. It is not many when compared to internet standards, but when compared to simular Home Pages it is tremendous. It is also easy to understand why so many people check in on Josh knowing first hand what an inspiration this young person has been to almost all that have came in contact with him.

Many of you have contacted us with your thoughts and feelings about Josh or about our entire family. We are no different from you, except we are just one of the many families worldwide fighting to keep our child happy and comfortable while fighting this awful disease called cancer. Our hope is that maybe you better understand the daily struggles of so many families and children that continue to fight for long term survival. Maybe one day you can make a difference in someone's struggle against cancer. We know many have made a difference in Josh's struggle.

What may be different about us is that we have publicly published Josh's struggle for life. We have always tried to paint a happy face on every situation that we have encountered. This has not always been easy nor does it continue to be. Many of Josh's struggles have been very difficult and unfair. Those of you that have followed this page from the beginning know that he has encountered many abnormal situations. We still believe that positive thought can go a long way in the survival of the entire family. It has been a struggle that will never leave our hearts nor our minds. Josh will forever be remembered for his ability to adjust and move ahead, an ability that so few of us posses.

The end of this story is drawing nearer and nearer. We will attempt to update within the next week. Continue your thoughts and prayers.

Thursday, August 28, 1997:

Welcome to Josh's pool hall! So, we no longer have anywhere to sit in our living room, but we now have a great game room, ha ha ha! Josh has been playing lots of air hockey and pool with his family and friends. His spirits remain high and he is attending school as often as he is able.

Since our last update we have struggled to keep Josh comfortable because of his low blood counts, increased pain and reactions to platelets and pain medication. He was not able to tolerate the Morphine nor another pain medication called Dilotted Morphine. He has been receiving a continuous drip of Fentanyl since Tuesday, August 19, which seems to keep his pain under control without many side effects. The decision was made to discontinue all forms of chemo-therapy last Thursday after Josh had a reaction involving his respiration with the latest form of treatment we had chosen, L'Asparaginase. It was very scary for Josh and we hope he does not have to experience that again.

Unfortunately, the recent chemo-therapy has been dragging Josh down without providing the benefits we had hoped for. We believe it is time to let nature take its course and let the body's natural processes take over. We will continue to support him with blood products and pain medication. It has not been fun for Josh to be so miserable much of the time, but since stopping the chemo, he has perked up quite a bit. Of course the beginning of school probably didn't hurt either!

We expect the coming weeks to be day by day, with Josh having good days and bad days. He is very happy at school and will go as often as he can but understands he will miss some days when he is not feeling well. Once again the school is being very accommodating. Once again we consider how lucky we have been to have had such a wonderful summer and we will continue to create treasurable memories as long as we can.

Sunday, August 17, 1997:

Just a short update to let everyone know what is going on here at home. We had hoped to travel to Sea World this weekend, but those plans were changed. Josh became ill Thursday afternoon and has progressively gotten worse.

We had a nurse come Friday night to help get Josh started on a morphine PCA pump. This pump will allow Josh to give himself boluses of morphine and provide a steady drip to get greater control of his pain. A blood draw Saturday morning indicated that Josh needed more platelets and may need red cells by mid week. His AGC / ANC has slipped to 500.

We have been told nothing, but are hopeful the death struggle has not begun. We have converted our bedroom into a room filled with everything that Josh may need. We hope to help make this as peaceful as possible. Josh is spending less time in his wheelchair and more time in a recliner.

Wednesday, August 13, 1997:

Josh will be 22 weeks post relapse on Friday, August 15. His spirits remain high and he anxiously awaits the beginning of school next week. He is excited to see all of his friends again. Is that not what life is all about, family and friends? We think so.

Many things have changed medically for Josh since our last update, so we will try to get everyone up to speed as quickly as possible toward the end of this update. Josh has slipped since we last spoke and it appears to me that he continues to slip daily. No matter what happens our family enjoyed what will be the best summer of our lives.

Again since our last update we have traveled to Illinois, Missouri, seen a magic show, drove go carts, played miniature golf, swam at Josh’s teachers pool, received tickets to the Notre Dame vs USC game, ordered an air hockey and pool table and generally had fun.

We visited many of Kim’s family in Springfield, Illinois and from there we traveled to Nixa, Missouri to stay with Josh’s cousins. Josh enjoyed the air hockey table, swimming pool and the "ultimate" squirt gun. His Uncle Ian took an old sump pump and some PCV pipe and rigged up a squirt gun capable of shooting a large stream of water 20 foot or more. Josh enjoyed squirting his cousins while they were swimming.

On our last day we traveled to Branson, Missouri to see Kirby VanBurch’s Magic Show. All the kids were fascinated with the many illusions. Josh was especially fascinated when he made a helicopter appear on stage. Kim was even more impressed when they drove a motorcycle into one cage and made it appear in another cage across the stage right in front of our eyes. What made these even more fascinating was the fact that we were sitting center stage eleven rows back. Phillip Wellford, a comedian, performed twice during the show and Josh maybe enjoyed this more than the magic. Josh wanted to come home and try juggling ping pong balls with his mouth as Phillip did.

From there we played miniature golf with all the children. Guess who won the match? Josh won by one stroke over his cousin Adam. Josh continues to amaze everyone around him with the fact that he does not consider himself to have a disability.

This past weekend Josh was invited to the VanElk residence, (his first grade teacher) to swim in their pool and cook pizzas over an open fire. This was one of the things he wished to accomplished this summer. Everyone enjoyed the evening and dad even learned how to cook pizzas over an open fire.

The last thing since our last update is that a gentleman that attends our church applied for and received two tickets for Josh and whichever parent he chooses to attend the Notre Dame vs USC game. There may be a fight between the parents on who gets to go. Ha, Ha, Ha!! We also have ordered the boys an air hockey and pool table to help bide their time at home. Josh enjoyed the air hockey table at Disney and at his cousins’ that we decided we needed one. Josh has always wanted to learn how to play pool so we took care of that wish also. They should be here middle of next week. Just something else for Josh to kick our butts in.

Josh’s medical condition has not slowed us down at all. In fact with his condition being terminal it just made us more determined to do more than we had ever hoped for. All of this fun has came at a price, but it is not more of a price than we were willing to pay. We have NO REGRETS about anything that we have accomplished this summer. We will have lasting memories for Jason, Chaz, Mom and Dad with the greatest young man we have ever known, our Josh. We are thankful that we had the means to accomplish most all wishes that Josh has asked for. One day we will sit around the table and discuss the events of this summer with many smiles knowing in our hearts we did all we could to help the family and Josh enjoy our time together.

Josh has had several blood counts since our last update and his counts have continued to drop. His counts are as follows...

Today Josh received another platelet infusion (since the platelet infusion on 8/6/97) from an HLA matched donor. We hope that this will give him a greater bump. An hour after the infusion his platelet count was up to 106,000. So as you can tell, the leukemia is back rearing its nasty head.

We have started plan B, which is every other week infusion of L’Asparaginase on 8/7/97. As of 8/12/97 we have stopped the use of the VP-16 chemotherapy. The hope is that we will discontinue driving Josh’s counts down. We do not want to get Josh neutropenic. He is due for another methylprednisone on the 19th and L’Asparaginase on the 21st. Josh will be getting a blood draw on Monday, August 18th. We will try to post a short update early next week.

Your continued thoughts and prayers are appreciated and even though we have not responded to your letters and e-mail as promptly as we should, please understand that our lives have become extremely hectic. Happiness for the family is of the utmost importance to us at this time. And as you can tell from reading our updates we are not lacking in finding things to do.

July 30, 1997:

We have spoken with the staff at Rileys and have come up with what will be our last alternatives. There are three more options that we can try to buy some more time with Josh. Josh was infused with a very large dose of steroids yesterday. He will continue to be infused with this same dose every three weeks as long as it helps to knock down the leukemia and keep the rest of his counts somewhat in check. If this does not work we can proceed to plan B.

Plan B would involve a dose of chemotherapy into the central line every other week. I am not sure of the name of the drug at this time. It is a form of L'Asparaginase and is a new approach. From plan B we would go to plan C. Plan C would involve another chemotherapy, Methotrexate, infused through his central line. Both of these alternatives would drop all of his blood counts. If they work he will need some infussions to help his blood counts recover.

We are trying to get some more quality time with Josh. He has been extremely happy this summer and we would like to see him get back to school. He wishes to see his teachers and all of his friends. As long as none of these plans interfere with his happiness we will continue to try them. We are afraid that after these three options there are no more options for us to attempt. At some point in time we must face the fact that we have done the best we can for Josh.

His blood counts from yesterday continue to show signs the leukemia is back and stronger than ever. We will be traveling to Missouri this weekend to spend some time with his cousins. We are also planning on seeing a spectacular magic show and doing some major swimming!!! We will keep everyone abreast of any further changes.

July 25, 1997:

Joshua is now 19 weeks post relapse and in very good spirits. The absolutely most impressive thing about our son is his attitude. Many people have learned a tremendous lesson in life from an 8 year old boy. Needless to say topping that list would be Kim and myself. I will get the sad reports over with first, then on to happy subjects.

Josh had blood work today and the news is not so good. His counts are starting to drop again. His platelet count has dropped about 40% in the last 8 days. He is down to 70,000 platelets and will probably need infusions starting next week. The doctors also looked at a blood smear under an microscope and found some leukemia blasts there. This is what we did not want to hear, that the leukemia is out in the blood stream. This is not good news. The VP16 has done its job by giving us some quality time with Josh. Unfortunately, the cancer is starting to over power the chemo. We new this would happen sooner or later. I will be discussing further options today with the staff in Indianapolis. Although I think I already know what lies ahead for us now, we are hopeful that we can have a few more good weeks with our beloved son, Joshua Nathan Eaton. We will keep you posted later this week.

We have not done any one big thing since our last update, but have done several little things. We are still trying to get to the lake as much as possible since all the boys enjoy the water activities. We will be going there as long as the weather is good and Josh is able to get into the water. Every time we go he states he does not want to get into the water, but after watching one of his brothers have so much fun he changes his mind. Anyway Josh does enjoy water tubing.

We traveled to see Josh’s uncle Richard over the fourth of July weekend. There we saw many family members and Chuck’s nephew from Las Vegas. Since Josh’s uncle lives on a lake, needless to say we swam a lot that weekend. Josh cooked s'mores over an open fire, caught 15 fish (the most of anyone) and caught some fireflies. At our house the firefly fairy pays pretty darn well. Anywhere from $0.25 to $1.00 per firefly. I am thinking of becoming a professional firefly catcher. Somehow I do not think the fairy would pay me as well. Anyway it was fun.

We took the whole family to the Brookfield Zoo located in Chicago last weekend. Josh enjoyed the animals and had even more fun making fun of my lost brother,(the monkey). He really enjoyed the dolphin show at the end of the day. We would like to get him over to Sea World of Ohio in the very near future. We think he would enjoy that.

This past week Josh has been spending his time at the county 4-H fair. Again Josh really does not care to ride many rides. That is okay though because his brothers make up for his deficit. While his brothers ride all the carnival rides Josh plays the games. And plays them pretty well. Although many of the operators try to help him, when he catches one attempting to cheat for him he gets upset. I must admit that I talked to Josh before our first day there to try and explain that he may not win at these games as he did at Walt Disney. Well as usual Josh proved me wrong. Here is the total count to date. Sunday he came home with 2 rides and 5 stuffed animals. Monday night he came home with 10 rides and 6 stuffed animals. Wednesday night he came home with 3 rides and 5 stuffed animals and several little toys.

Wednesday night was a great night. Jason, his older brother, took a friend with him to the fair and his friend wanted to win a certain stuffed animal at a certain game. He came with his money and tried very hard, but with no success. Jason and his friend then went to ride the carnival rides. What happened next is the exact reason so many people have fallen in love with Josh.

As soon as they were out of site Josh asked me to take him to play some games. The games at the fair take some skill and a certain touch. Some are just impossible to win. Josh won that certain stuffed animal for Jason’s friend on his 4th try. At the time I did not realize what Josh was about to do. He got the animal from the vendor, thanked him and proceeded toward the direction of Jason and his friend. When we came in contact with them Josh handed the stuffed animal to Jason’s friend and told him he had won it for him. No one asked him to do this he just did it. Jason’s friend was so happy and Josh was even happier to make him happy. After that Josh asked what his sister would like and he won her a stuffed animal too.

That has always and continues to be Josh’s trade mark. Make everyone around him happy. If there is trouble he will step up and try to take the blame. He would give anything and everything to anyone who needs something. Well maybe he wouldn’t give his Cleveland Indian bat away, but everything else, yes. He is a great kid with a great outlook on life. A life that has cheated him out of so many things, but he does not hold that against it.

Thanks for the email and letters of encouragement. We are hanging in there. Josh continues to be happy and his family is fine. We will post a small update after this weeks blood counts and let everyone know where we are. Take care and may God bless you and your family.

Monday, June 23, 1997:

Josh is a little more than 14 weeks post relapse and his counts are almost as good as they have ever been. He may be close to remission again, but we will never know positively because we have no intentions of doing another bone marrow aspiration. We believe that we got our miracle by having Josh here with us today.

We have explored all of our options at this point and believe there is really nothing more that we can do for Josh. We have contacted another Children’s Hospital and have spoken with a couple of doctors there. They had some protocols that Josh could have qualified for, but the risk was high with the outcome in all likelihood the same. So we have decided to stay with what we are doing and let Josh enjoy life as much as he can. I can truly say that Kim and I have now exhausted all possibilities on Josh’s behalf. I am not sure that a few years from now we would be in this situation and we are hopeful that one day medical advances will be made to combat this aggressive form of leukemia.

Well, on to some brighter topics. Arrangements were made by one of Kim’s fellow employees from Cleveland, Ohio for Josh to visit the Cleveland Indians first home interleague baseball game. He was to go out on the field during batting practice to meet with some of the players. Unfortunately it was raining that particular day here in the Midwest. So instead of going out on the field Josh got to go down into the Indian’s Club House during their batting practice.

They knew his favorite team was the Atlanta Braves so they did the best for him they could. Two players that played for the Braves were traded to the Indians during the off season. One of them, Center Fielder Marquis Grissom came out to spend some time with Josh. Josh got some pictures and autographed baseballs for him and his brothers. Josh was given his bat! Josh was very proud of the bat. He was so very excited when he came out to show the rest of us. I must admit that Kim might have been just as excited. As far as they were concerned the game could have been rained out and they would have been happy. Well, the game was not rained out only delayed for two hours. During the game Josh waved his Indian’s pennant and cheered for the Indians. Kim kept score for him while I helped Chaz keep his book in order. Luckily Jason is old enough to keep score in his own book. The night was a total success!!! Thanks again to Bill Choler and the Indians organization for making this a wonderful evening for all of us.

Josh completed his baseball season last Saturday. He is very sad that baseball is over for the season. He played every position throughout the season and did very well with all of them. Josh was catcher during three separate games and did extremely well at it. He never had to use a T-stand to hit the ball this season. He hit just fine from his wheelchair. On a couple at bats his pinch-runner advanced to second base giving Josh a double. Josh was very happy to be out at the Little League diamonds playing ball again.

We have taken Josh fishing a couple of times, but he does not have any fish stories to tell yet. He has been swimming in the lake and water tubing. Josh really enjoys riding behind the boat in the water tube. He laughs and gives the thumbs up sign (that means for the driver to go faster) without a care in the world. I guess that is what it is all about, ENJOYING LIFE!!!

We have a few other trips and parties planned here in the next few weeks if Josh continues to feel up to them. Over the Fourth of July we will be traveling to Chuck’s brother's house on a lake in Illinois for several days. Fishing, swimming, playing games and generally having a good time is planned. We would like to take Josh to Sea World of Ohio in a couple of weeks. Then a weekend at Kim’s parents house with several family members meeting at a hotel for more fun in the pool and games. As you can tell we are making sure the boys are all having fun and no one is sitting around feeling sorry for themselves. Life moves on for us just as it is for Josh. Whenever there is a doubt we just look at Josh and his brothers to see how happy they are. We have made the right choice.

We will try to update this again within the month to let everyone know how things are going. Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers because they are being answered.

Wednesday, May 14,1997:

Josh is holding his own at this time. He had his weekly blood draw yesterday with his counts remaining steady. Not great counts, but not poor counts either. As we have said many times before, it could be a lot worse. Every day is a blessing and we will take every one of them offered to us at this time.

Josh was asked to throw out the first pitches for opening day ceremonies at the Concord Little League on May 3, 1997. He did not even hesitate when we asked him if he wanted to do this. It made him very happy to be involved with baseball on this level again. Many thanks to all the people that made this possible for our son. Josh has been on the front page of a couple of local newspapers and lots of television coverage in the past. We have never posted any of these articles before, but today we are pleased to present two articles dated May 4, 1997, after this update. We hope you enjoy them as much as we enjoyed watching all our children smiling and having fun once again at the Little League park. Thank you Concord Little League for the memory!!!

A related story is that Josh has been asked to play on a TeeBall baseball team at Concord Little League. His first game will be this Saturday and he cannot wait to get back out on the field and strut his stuff. Again many thanks to many people to make this happen. Between staff members at Josh’s school, individuals involved with the Concord Little League and individuals in this community this dream was made possible for Josh.

Josh asked to go to the farm located in the foothills of the Blue Ridge mountains in Virginia to say good-bye to some of his relatives. We told him there are no good-byes only hello and see you soon. We are not sure he agreed, but we agreed to take him to the farm. He told dad that he wanted to go turkey hunting because he thought that would be the only reason he would take him. What he did not know is that I knew he wanted to see, in particular, his cousins Shellie, Basil and Gary. So away we went to the farm. We have a difficult time saying no to Josh, and although we thought the long trip would be hard on Josh, we would never say no to this request. By driving through the night Josh was able to sleep comfortably all the way there. The trip was good for his spirits. There is nothing more relaxing and pleasing to the eye than spending time in the woods and mountains of Virginia.

We took Josh riding on the four wheelers in the 500 acre woods filled with streams, beavers, turkey, deer and tall pines. Josh shot about 500 rounds of ammunition at the cabin in a two day period. He is not a bad shot. He could hit a Pepsi can from about 40 yards while his mom could only wish to hit the can. Well, we finally got out the large 2 liter bottle for mom to hit. She hit it on her second try. Josh thought that was rather funny. Josh did not care to spend much time around the cattle on the farm. He thought they needed to take a bath before he would do anything with them. Anyway, he enjoyed the woods and being with his cousins more than anything else.

Josh rode in a train engine pushing 127 cars of coal up a mountain. It was a treat to sit with the engineer while blowing the horn. We have several pictures of this adventure. Thanks to you know who (we better not mention any names)!!!

We also had a cook out with about 40 family members attending. The evening was a lot of fun. Josh had a good time playing ping pong and telling stories. Josh brought home a kitten from Virginia. Josh always liked to go to Virginia when he was younger. This was the first time since the summer before he got sick that we took him to Virginia. Thanks for all the southern hospitality!!!

At one time not so long ago I personally wondered if there were many good people out in the world. I think anyone that has followed Josh’s story knows that the world is full of great people. The kindness demonstrated towards my family has been overwhelming. My life has been changed in so many ways during Josh’s struggle, but nothing has affected me more than the kindness demonstrated by so many wonderful people. I no longer wonder because I now know the world is full of great people. I cannot imagine this struggle somewhere other than here. Enjoy the following articles.

The following is a newspaper article dated May 5, 1997, written by David Haugh of the South Bend Tribune. The headline reads in large bold print....Superstar brightens Opening Day.

With a microphone in his right hand, his pitching hand, and a black leather mitt on his left, 8-year-old Josh Eaton led the crowd in the Little Leaguers creed from his wheelchair near the pitcher’s mound.

"I will play to win," Josh’s soft voice announced over the public address system Saturday morning here at Concord Little League Park. "I will always do my best...," he added near the end of the recitation,"... win or lose."

Some would say Josh Eaton is losing to leukemia with two outs in the bottom of the ninth. Though he would not be among those expecting defeat, nor acknowledging he may be anywhere near his last at bat.

Neither would anyone who knows the buoyant baseball lover who threw out the first pitch Saturday on opening day of the Concord Little League season.

"If you live the right way, you maybe have one or two opportunities to meet a superstar," league official Brain Konarski told hundreds of boys and girls players, coaches and parents on hand for the ceremonies. "Well, today you all get to meet one in Josh Eaton."

Ryne Sandberg wouldn’t have received a warmer response on a frigid spring day when the hot chocolate was flowing as rapidly as the teeth were chattering.

Josh barely shivered in his white baseball pants, dark stirups, green hat and green jersey with his favorite No. 8 on the back. He kept his throwing arm warm by waiting in the family van, his bullpen for a day, until he got the call.

When he did, Chuck Eaton carried Josh from the van to a wheelchair waiting next to the third base dugout. The smile Josh wore on his face seemed to stretch from first base to third base as he wheeled out to a spot about 30 feet from home plate.

His two brothers, 6-year-old Chaz and 11-year-old Jason, stood on each side of home plate. Konarski first handed Josh a softball, which he bounced just in front of the inside corner. Strike one.

The next pitch, a hardball, rolled over the outside corner. Strike two.

Well, not exactly strikes. Actually, either pitch would have been a ball, which was just what the people had watching Josh celebrate his short stint on the mound.

"That was fun," Josh admitted after wheeling through a wave of hugs and high fives.

Was he nervous? "No," he said with a grin that he probably went to bed wearing Saturday night. "I love pitching best."

Josh says he has loved baseball since the summer he was 6, only a few months before Chuck and Kim Eaton found out their middle son had been diagnosed with a rare, aggressive form of leukemia that attacked the bone marrow. That was Dec. 1, 1995, Kim Eaton recalled Saturday. A mother never forgets.

On march 14, 1996, Josh received a bone marrow transplant from his brother Chaz at Riley Children’s Hospital in Indianapolis. His leukemia went into remission and the Eatons were to report for a checkup one year later.

It was during that visit seven weeks ago that doctors informed the Eatons that Josh had suffered a relapse and they could expect the worst. "We made the doctors make a commitment and they said he had a few weeks, not months," Chuck Eaton said Saturday. "The cancer has overtaken the bone marrow."

Josh’s spirit, meanwhile, remained untouched. He may undergo chemotherapy treatments and be paralyzed from the waist down, but he is still 8 years old. That means he likes to sword fight and karate chop with his brothers, test his wits at Nintendo, win every board game, skip every nap.

"He’s just like every other kid," Chuck Eaton said, "except he’s in a wheelchair."

Sitting still does allow Josh to keep up with his favorite baseball team, the Atlanta Braves. He became a Braves fan because they were one of the only teams he could watch on TV during his stay at Riley Hospital, thanks to superstation TBS.

"Javier Lopez of the Braves is my favorite player," Josh said. Adds his proud dad: "Baseball has always been Josh’s gig."

That is why the Eatons accepted Konarski’s invitation to have Josh throw out the first pitch Saturday, despite weather that threatened to weaken even the healthy, despite temptations to keep him in the house and off the mound.

"We’re trying to keep him happy," Said Chuck Eaton. "At this point, my wife and I believe that quality of his life is so much more important than the quantity."

They watch their sick son inexplicably taking his life into extra innings, with so much courage, with so little sadness.

They learn. So many learn.

"We’re happy to be here," Chuck Eaton said. "Every day is like gravy for Josh."

May every day be like opening day.

The following is a newspaper article dated May 5, 1997, written by Marshall King of the Elkhart Truth. The headline reads in large bold print....Josh pitches on his field of dreams in smaller print it reads 8-year-old’s spirit unaffected by deadly leukemia.

Josh Eaton is like a pitcher with a 100 mph fastball and nasty curve. From his wheelchair, he stares at the batter in the box. The batter is cancer; a rare form of leukemia.

The cancer can’t touch Josh’s spirit, the reason he was on the mound for Concord Little League’s opening day Saturday.

With a huge smile, he reared back and threw a softball, then a baseball, to his brothers - the first pitches of the season. And for just a little bit, everyone forgot how cold and gray the day was.

Eight-year-old Josh is suffering from acute lyphoblastic leukemia, a form that has affected only a few dozen children in the world.

On March 14, 1996, he received a bone marrow transplant from his brother, Chaz. On March 14, 1997, doctors at Riley Hospital for Children found that cancer had destroyed that bone marrow. He was given a few weeks to live.

Josh doesn’t have time to feel sorry for himself. He wants to do too many other things.

Josh plays with his brothers Chaz, 6, and Jason, 11. Josh plays Nintendo and board games. Even when he’s tired, he refuses to take naps. Most of all, he loves going to his first-grade class at Concord East Side Elementary. Mention school and Josh will flash a major-league smile and talk happily about reading, visiting the library and being with his classmates.

On Monday night, Brian Konarski, chairman of Concord’s 26th opening day ceremony, called Josh’s dad Chuck to ask if Josh would want to throw out the first pitch, representing the 900 players and 70 teams.

Chuck, a Concord Little League board member, said that through all the pain and suffering, Josh has never complained, but is disappointed about not being able to play baseball. Chuck said Josh would decide if he’d throw out the pitch.

When Konarski saw Josh at school Tuesday, he heard Josh’s answer. Josh excitedly yelled it from down the hall as soon as he saw Konarski. Josh couldn’t wait for Saturday.

Josh played T-ball two years before the leukemia stepped into the box. During long weeks in the hospital, he watched the Atlanta Braves. Good pitchers love good catchers and Braves catcher Javier Lopez became his favorite player. On Saturday, Josh sported Lopez’s number - 8 - on his back

After Josh threw the pitches Saturday, he led the players, coaches and parents I the Little League Pledge: "I trust in God. I love my country and will respect its laws. I will play fair and strive to win. But win or lose, I will always do my best."

Konarski called Josh the "superstar" on opening day and Chaz and Jason the "all-stars." Like many in the crowd, Konarski’s voice faltered as he fought back tears. Since classmates made more than 5,000 pasta angels when he first got sick in December 1995, Josh has touched a community.

"It’s just his personality, the way he bubbles," said Konarski. "When you see somebody with so much courage, it’s overwhelming."

After the ceremony, the family gathered for pictures. Around his neck, Josh had a baseball medallion Konarski gave him. Jason and Chaz wore their Little League uniforms, not yet stained by grass or dirt. Chuck and Kim stood beside their children, enjoying the opportunity to be together and make a memory.

The Eaton’s live "one day at a time," as Chuck often says. Josh receives small amounts of chemotherapy, but they know the have few medical options and the prognosis is poor. "I don’t think anybody expected him to live this long," said Chuck. They aren’t inclined to try a second transplant. Complications from the first one paralyzed Josh from the waist down.

The family focuses on enjoying their time together and keeping Josh happy. The Eaton’s went to Disney World for 10 days at Josh’s request. He went fishing on a chartered boat during his trip there. Now that he’s home, the important things are going to school and enjoying meals from McDonald’s every lunch and supper, said Chuck. These are all on Josh’s list of things to do - the list that doesn’t include feeling sorry for himself or complaining.

And playing baseball is also on his list. His parents promised they’d get him in the Challenger League for Elkhart and St. Joseph county children with disabilities. Play starts in the coming weeks.

On the March night Chuck and Kim Eaton told their son he’d probably die, Josh asked if there was baseball in heaven.

"We told him he’d be playing on Jesus’ team. They need a good pitcher." said Chuck.

But for now, a community of people which has grown to love him can still watch him throw strikes, staring down cancer as he goes into his wind-up. (return to update)

Friday, April 25,1997:

We thought we should update everyone on Josh’s current condition. The most important issue for us is that Josh is staying comfortable. We are accomplishing this with the use of a couple of different pain medications and some light chemotherapy. His energy level varies from hour to hour, day to day, but with everything considered we think he is doing really well.

He is now attending school on a modified basis. What we mean by this is that as he feels good and his energy level is up he goes. He misses some days and some days he leaves early or goes in late. Concord Eastside Elementary has been wonderful with accommodating his schedule. The other day he mentioned to me that he will really miss school. I told him that I think the school will miss him too.

Josh had blood counts yesterday and here is what he has.

white cells = 4,500

AGC/ANC = 1,200

hct = 30.1

platelette = 135,000

So as you can see he is holding his own right now. He will have another blood draw next Thursday to check his status. He is currently taking several medications including VP16, a chemotherapy at a small dosage. Prednesone 15mg. twice a day to help slow down the leukemia and also to help keep the pain down. He is taken other medications to help with other factors of this process which include urination, bowel control and pain prevention. Many people that have not experienced this before have asked where the pain is coming from. Basically his bones are filling up with what is call leukemia blast causing a lot of pressure to be applied from the inside of his bones, thus causing the pain.

How much more time do we have left with Josh? Only God knows that answer. As far as Kim and I are concerned every day is gravy. Josh has made it longer than any of us thought. His doctor did tell us on March 14, 1997, children prove him wrong every day. We do not even think much about it at this point. We just take today and run with it. Tomorrow is a new day and it will take care of itself.

For any parents that may stumble across this page and are experiencing a similar situation keep in mind that your child will say many things that will break your heart. We believe it is very important to stay strong and keep the emotions in check while in the presence of your child. Speak the truth to your child’s fears and concerns. As hard as it may seem you are helping your child more than you may think.

They do not mean to break your heart they are just speaking the truth and letting their feeling and fears be heard. It is very hard to watch and listen to this, but you will be taught many things about yourself and life from your child.

From our perspective we hope we are making the right decisions on behalf of Josh. They are decisions that we must live with for the rest of our life’s. We pray and hope that we are capable and strong enough parents to handle this. We are scared of the unknown just as everyone is. We are concerned what effects this will have upon our other children. They say never look back and second guess anything and we never have until now. Now we second guess all of our decisions. We will never know about the what ifs, only ponder what might have been.

The main point of this update is to let you know that generally Josh is putting in good days. He is the happy go lucky boy we have all come to know and what ever happens happens, enjoy today. MOM DAD LETS PLAY A GAME!!! That is our Josh.

Tuesday, April 8, 1997:

Just a short note to let all our friends know that Josh is doing fine. He put in a full week at school and enjoying his time here at home with his family during spring break. Josh is playing baseball in the back yard and of course still on the computer. He is holding his own right now. He is due for another blood draw tomorrow and will in all likihood need some infussions. We do not understand the progression here, but are taking every day we can with happiness. Josh is in good spirits and we are too.

For all those families dealing with some form of childhood cancer we only can hope that you have half as good of an employer as my wife has. They have went way out of their way to help Kim stay at home with Josh. I am personally very grateful, but not near as much as Josh is for everything that they have done for her. Their support over the past year has been incredible. This means more to Kim than they will ever know.

Tuesday, April 1, 1997:

We have returned from sunny Florida!!! Josh had a wonderful time pushing everything to the limit. All restrictions are lifted and he is living life to the fullest. Some days he napped and other days he did not, always his choice. His energy level has been extremely high the past two weeks with lots of smiles. Josh even swam the last few days!!! The hotel that Grandma and Grandpa stayed in had a large water slide and water falls that he liked.

Jason and Chaz had a great time also. They did everything that they wanted also. Jason really enjoyed EPCOT and collected key chains from every country that had them. If the country did not have key chains he would purchase something else. He ended up with quite a bag full. As for Chaz he loves to ride rides, eat ice cream and hot dogs. He kept us hopping. He really enjoyed Blizzard Beach with his dad and Uncle. Chaz and Josh played Star Wars and sword fighting games while walking the parks. It was so very special. We think this will be very hard on Chaz. Josh and Chaz play and talk a lot together. They are very good friends as well as brothers.

Many of our family members made the trip and enjoyed some time with us. Family from Las Vegas, Nevada; Branson, Missouri; Chicago, Auburn and Danville, Illinois made the trip. We thank all of them for making this such a special and joyous trip.

We have asked for nothing, but have received an enormous amount of support. We really want to thank Concord Eastside for all of their tremendous support. You have all touched our family more than you may ever realize. The whole Elkhart community has shown tremendous support to our family. Josh has touched so many people in such a special way. Even the Concord High School baseball team sent things to Josh for his trip. Thanks to all!!!

Josh did not care to ride to many rides but the ones he wanted to ride he rode an endless amount of times. We all know Mr. Toads Adventure, Peter Pan’s Flight, Snow White and the Grand Prix track like the back of our hands. Josh finished getting every character’s autograph during this trip. His book is filled with autographs!!! On several occasions Josh got first class treatment.

On the first day Tweetle Dum (Alice in Wonderland) pushed Josh’s chair around the Magic Kingdom getting all the autographs he wanted. At MGM Studios Aladin carried Josh up the castle steps to the magical lamp to rub with his hands for a wish. They spoke for about 15 minutes. It was unbelievable. Genie played games with him and Jafar traded Josh’s hand for his hat. He did give it back after some joking around and general mischief.

Although we have to admit the most time was spent in the Space Mountain arcade. There was a machine with claws that could be moved into position then dropped down on some stuffed animals. Josh came home with around 30 while Chaz brought back about 15. On one occasion the attendant told Josh as he was leaving that he would see him tomorrow night. HA HA HA!!! Josh beat everyone several times at air hockey.

We even chartered a boat and took everyone fishing. Josh said he wanted to go fishing one more time so dad go on the phone and made it happen. All the boys and mom caught some fish. Although we believe that Jason would have fished all day if we would have let him.

Josh returned to school yesterday and he seems to be in good shape considering what we now know. Yesterday dad spoke with the staff members at Rileys’. All the pieces to the puzzle are now complete. The Philadelphia Chromosome is back in only Josh’s cells. Chaz’s donated cells are cancer free. As of March 14, 1997, Josh’s bone marrow was 83% leukemia blast. The staff was very surprised that Josh is holding his counts as he is. They thought that Josh could have easily had 300,000 white cells by now instead of the 3,200 that he has. We are trying to maintain him at comfortable levels.

Today Josh will be started on another chemotherapy to try to buy some more time. It is a light enough dose as not to make him sick, but yet maybe enough to knock back the leukemia just a bit. He will continue to get blood work about every 4th day at this time. Blood product infusions about every 7 to 8 days. All this could change tomorrow. Life is day to day for him now.

It is very difficult for us to be doing the things that we have done over the past few weeks. We are angry, hopeful, depressed, joyous, saddened all the time. It is the worst roller coaster that we have ever ridden. Josh has accepted the fact that life as he knows it is coming to a close. He says things to us that makes us want to cry, but yet we do not allow ourselves to cry in his presence. Those times are behind closed doors in the dark all alone with nothing more than your thoughts and fears. This is the hardest burden we have ever carried and we can not even imagine what it is like for Josh. He has shown a lot of courage and bravery. He is the MAN!!!

We will update as we feel it is important. Please if you have children, go give them an extra huge and kiss tonight. They are all so very special. Thank you again for all your support and continued best wishes. May God keep your house safe and warm.

Saturday, March 15, 1997:

Hello to all. We hope that everyone is doing well with their NCAA picks. We really are not sure how we are doing with our picks.

This will be short and to the point. Josh has relapsed and has been given a few weeks to live. His bone marrow has no normal cells and looks to be completely packed with leukemia blasts. Josh will be transported to Indianapolis on Monday to have another central line inserted. It will be used to infuse him with platelets, packed cells and pain medication. We were given several choices on how to treat Josh. In the end all we ever wanted for Josh was happiness and peace. This is the path we are going to travel over the next few weeks. Monday Josh will start with Vencristine (chemotherapy) and Prednisone (steriod). We understand that this will help to keep him comfortable and should give us some quality time with him. Hospice will be brought in when needed. We want the end to be with his family and friends, but not in ICU.

Our family will depart for Walt Disney World on Wednesday March 19 and not return until Friday March 28. Josh fell in love with Disney and we promised to get him back. We have made arrangements for many family members to join us down there. If Josh is feeling up to it he will return to school the following week.

What we would like for everyone to remember is that Josh had a very poor prognosis from the start of this. The other thing we would like for everyone to understand is that Josh accepts the fact that he will be leaving us in a short time. We believe that as with everything else Josh is handling this better than any of us.

Josh was most upset that he can not ever play baseball again, but now he believes he will be playing in heaven. He has promised to save us a seat on the front row so that we can watch him play. Josh will always be with many people even once he is gone. It is not every day that an 8 year old draws a community together like he has done.

I remember a friend of mine writing that there would be no death watch here during his own experience. You will not find one here either. We will update this page shortly after we return from Disney and then we will let you know when the end has come. We thank everyone again for all their support over the past year. We will leave from here as positive and as graceful as we entered in to it.

Wednesday, March 12, 1997:

Josh has taken his first steps, one foot in front of the other since April 25, 1996. He received his new bracing system last Wednesday, but it took several days to fine tune it with many adjustments made. We think there are a few more adjustments to be made, but hopefully we can have them finished by the middle of next week. Josh’s body is really bruised from all new pressure points. At first Josh would pass out after being taken out of the jacket, NOT GOOD!!! We have that problem taken care of now. He is currently up to 5 hours a day in his body jacket and over 600 feet walking. He said today that the jacket really makes his back feel better. He is asking to wear it. We thought we would have to fight with him to wear it. This just shows us that you can never figure children out. Hopefully this will stop and maybe even help correct the scoliosis.

Josh was so excited about taking steps he made dad bring them to school last Thursday to show his classmates how they work. Talk about twenty questions. His classmates were so excited for him. They asked so many questions about Josh and how the system works. They were happy and Josh was happy. Thanks to Mrs. Van Elk for letting Josh do this. Also we have decided against a full time aid at school for Josh. He seems to be doing fine as is.

Josh’s therapy plan has changed and we hope to be finished driving to South Bend, Indiana in about six more weeks. Currently the therapy plan is as follows. Monday, Wednesday, Friday at South Bend, Indiana for 1 up to 2 hours of intense therapy. Tuesday and Thursday mornings plus every day after school dad has made arrangements with the school to use their hallways for walking. On the weekends we can be found at the local mall walking in the back hallway. Again, Concord Eastside has went out of their way to help us !!! We thank all of the staff especially Dr. C.

Our goal is to get Josh up and walking part of the day, but he will always need his wheelchair. The bracing system will only work if Josh does not have to expend to much energy getting from point A to point B. Time will tell.

The other issue to be resolved at therapy is making Josh less dependent on mom and dad. The goal is for Josh to think ahead and be prepared to do things on his own. An example of this is at bedtime getting his clothes out and onto the bed for the following morning. Then in the morning he can get himself dressed and transferred into his chair by himself. We would also like to see him transfer himself from his chair to the bed, chair or wherever he would like to sit. Bathing is an issue to be addressed later on. At this point mom and dad will still need to sterile cathaterize him until he can go to a clean technic. This can not happen until his immune system ( T-cell count) is higher.

What we are starting to understand now is that many people check in on this HomePage. It has served several purposes, but the most important purpose that it has accomplished is giving families in similar circumstances a place to go. Because of Josh’s Page we have made contact with at least 5 new families whose children have been diagnosed with Phildiaphia positive Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia. This is not to take away from the countless number of people from all over the world who write to us and the many friends here in Elkhart, Indiana. We thank all of you for caring. We will update on Monday, March 17, 1997.

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